Not to toot my own horn, but there is no one more qualified than I am for this job.
Hello, I'm Elle Carson, but I've worked under other names, including being a fetish model online for a few years. I am intimately acquainted with all manner of sex toys and just chock full of sexy little tips for people, not to mention rather good at explaining all of it in the sexiest way possible. (I also happen to be the blow job queen, although that's the first time I've mentioned it in the hopes of getting a legitimate job.)
Please let me know if you'd like to see some writing samples; I'll work up a rough draft of one of your articles and send it to you.
This project sounds like loads of fun, and basically what I've been training my whole life for. I hope you'll consider me for it.